Thursday, 7 January 2010

Reflections on the Mr D experience.....

Written on Dec 18th 09

Mr D was until recently working for a holiday company travelling across the world managing bars and tourists - meeting women and taking them home was probably in the job description. Taking this into account I don't suppose for one minute that I will be especially memorable to Mr D. Although I do have the added interest of being a lesbian, - ex lesbian - perhaps I will forever be his 'conversion' story.

To be honest my own 'intimate experiences' list is rather longer than I would like it to be. Age 19, I was a bit surprised by the whole lesbian thing - as far as I was concerned I'd come from a normal family (well - normal in as much as any family is....), -I had a respectable upbringing.
By respectable I mean I was taught to 'only speak when spoken to', followed quickly by 'stand up for yourself, don't be so quiet', say 'pardon' not what, pronounce the 't' in butter, 'don't say 'yeah' its 'yes', 'what's 'gonna' - do you mean 'going to'?', 'Speak up, don't be so quiet', 'eat all your vegetables, there are children starving in Africa you know', always say hello to old people on walks in the countryside, and finally to be self-effacing at any possible opportunity. All this has left me with a very healthy and normal dose of British self doubt - I lack confidence in absolutely everything - except the fact that I had a respectable upbringing.

My childhood was 'normal' in all other ways too - I had a collection of Cindies and a Tiny Tears which weed herself, in my teenage years I wore full make up to school every day, tried to make my school uniform 'sexy', and worried about what boys would think of me, and at age 17 I even had a serious boyfriend who I really loved! So how had this lesbian thing happened?! In my opinion I'd done all the normal things that straight girls do and this should not have happened to me. I was supposed to get married (to a man)and have children in the usual way. I wasn't supposed to have to worry about 'coming out' and lesbian bed death and turkey baster babies. I therefore spent quite some time making sure that I was properly gay and hadn't just got confused somehow.
(In hindsight why I thought I could have got confused about this I don't know - I can understand people getting confused about which shop is in which Cardiff arcade, or which lane they're supposed to be in at Culverhouse Cross huge roundabout (this remains a mystery to me even after years of driving in Cardiff) - but if you fancy a girl then you fancy a girl - its really not that confusing.

Anyway despite much 'experimentation' I didn't manage to prove much - except that the more I drink the more my standards drop! Over the years some of these liaisons have sadly been forgotten due to various (mainly alcohol related) factors - like I can't remember what they looked like/don't want to remember what they looked like/was too drunk to remember meeting them ....etc.

Mr D however, will always be remembered - not because I had the most fantastic time of my life - but because he opened up a whole new world. My experience with Mr D has made me realise that I don't have to restrict myself to women - there's another 50% of the population who I could be attracted to after all. I have spent the last 15 years thinking that I don't fancy blokes coz I'm gay -but in hindsight - perhaps it was more because firstly, I very rarely came into contact with straight eligible men, and secondly, I spend all my time with gay women who generally think willies are gross and men are a kind of harmless but less well developed species. They are sort of right about willies - they're not the most attractive things, and to be fair some men do seem to come from another less intelligent species - but its not fair to judge all of them based on an unfortunate subsection - and, thinking about it, over the years I've met a few lesbians with IQ's of less than 'moron' - I think I may have been out with some of them...... Anyway moving on...

This is especially good news for me as I'm one of those people who hardly ever fancies anyone. I meet gay women all the time and quite often I think that they are attractive and interesting - but I don't fancy them. I have concluded that I must have very rare chemistry and although I like the idea of being unique its not very helpful if you want to meet someone. So to find out that the pool of people I could be attracted to just increased by 50% is very encouraging. Having said that I am off to the lesbian Christmas party soon so the male population may have to wait another 15 years.....

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