Monday, 14 December 2009

Well I've been in France for about 7 weeks now and I've discovered lots of new things to like. Like crepes, - my favourite is Grand Marnier, and Cafe creme, and Sacre coeur, and creme brulee. and also on a not so French theme - Whiskey - thats what happens when you stay with 2 Scottish women for a month! I haven't been able to drink whiskey since an unfortunate incident when I was 14 involving a couple of pints of Southern Comfort - so I was surprised when I found that not only did I not throw up on trying whiskey but that I actually really liked it.

The other new thing I've discovered in France is men.

This isn't the first time i've discovered men - I did try them before - about 20 years ago - but I wasn't that impressed - really couldn't understand what all the fuss was about - so I decided to try out women instead. and I've stuck with women ever since and although not all (or lets be honest - many) of my relationships have been ideal I really thought that I was properly gay - not bisexual, polysexual or metrosexual, confused, open minded,or bi-curious but just plain (and slightly boringly)gay.

So there I was - comfortable with my very gay sexuality, single but happy and especially looking forward to discovering 'gay Paris' - when I met Mr D.
I was in Paris to take a TEFL course. Mr D was on the course and happened to be sitting next to me.

On first meeting Mr D I thought he was a nice bloke and very confident and funny.... and interesting and well educated....and spoke fluent French with a sexy accent... and actually not bad looking...nice eyes....oh shit! I had a crush - on a man!
I decided that having a crush was nothing really - I mean everyone has crushes on people they admire or would like to be like - and I would like to be confident and funny and especially to speak fluent French (not sure which of these is the least likely to ever happen!). So that was ok then - just a harmless crush - nothing to do with sex just a 'strong admiration'.

I actually came out as a lesbian during conversation to a few people including Mr D at the end of the first week. Mr D didn't respond in any particular way although I noticed that immediately after he went out for a fag. I liked to think that he felt the need for a fag coz he was surprised and disappointed that I was not available - although in hindsight - it was more likely that he needed nicotine as he is French and smokes like a chimney.

The course carried on and I continued to try to convince myself that it was a harmless crush that didn't relate to my sexuality whatsoever. Me and Mr D continued to get on really well in a platonic type of way and I tried hard to resist the urge to flirt - its not fair to tell a man you're gay and then flirt - how confusing is that?! In my head though I was thinking about Mr D rather a lot - and it wasn't about his lesson planning abilities or excellent understanding of English grammar!

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